Button Badges - The Big Finish

They’re done!  155 badges, numbered and ready to be assigned to competitors in April.

And it only took a total of about 3 1/2 hours to complete.

My hand hurts.

Button Badges - The Beginning

2009 was the first year that Bodybuilder Hubby ran the local bodybuilding contest.  It was definitely a learn-as-you-go kind of experience.  So many things came down to that last two weeks – lots of late nights.  I finished stuffing the competitors' goodie bags at 3am the morning of the contest.  I got an hour of sleep before having to leave for the contest venue.

My big goal for the day of that contest was not to burst into tears of exhaustion in front of anyone.  And I succeeded at that goal.  Yeah, me!

One of the tasks I had taken on was making the badges for the competitors.  The competitors wear a pin with a number on it while they are on stage; the number is how the judges identify the competitors on the score sheets.

I remembered making badges at a summer camp in junior high.  It had been really fun to do.  So I thought, wouldn’t it be nice and look more professional if I could make a badge like that for each competitor, instead of using those plastic name tag holders with hand-written numbers.

So, three weeks before the contest, I did an on-line search and found Badge-a-Minit, a company that sells the parts and equipment needed to make the badges.  I ordered a hand-press machine and parts to make 100 badges.

While I waited for the materials to arrive, I made the numbers.  I printed out numbers in several different fonts to figure out which was easiest to read from a distance.  I taped the printed page to a kitchen cabinet so Bodybuilder Hubby could tell me which was best.  His eyesight is amazing; mine… well, let’s just say that I live in a world with slightly fuzzy edges.

I had the numbers printed and cut out by the time the box arrived from Badge-a-Minit a week before the contest.   But when I opened the box, the back pieces of the badges – the part with the pin on it – was missing.

I called the company in a panic and spoke with the nicest-ever customer service lady.   She made me think of down-home, mid-west America; I pictured her sitting at an old metal desk with a rotary phone decked out in a cardigan sweater and curly grey hair.  She promised me the pin backs would be shipped that day.

They arrived the following Wednesday, three days before the contest.

Each badge starts with four parts: the pin back, a metal disk backing, the paper circle with the image (in this case a number), and a clear plastic circle that covers the front.  So you start by stacking a metal back, a paper circle, and a plastic circle.  Then you line up the top center with a little triangle on the blue circular frame.  The yellow circle part fits inside this one, twisting on to hold everything in place.  Then you flip it over.  The purple circle fits inside the blue one, and the green circle stacks on top.  Then you use the heels of both hands to push down – THUNK! – until they snap together.  Then you take off the purple and green circles and flip the blue frame over.  The red circle fits on top of the front of the badge inside the blue frame.  Next you push down on the red circle. Then you flip it over again and use the tip of a fingernail to make sure the edges of the plastic and paper circles are folded under neatly.  Next you put in the pin back, line it up, stack the green circle on that.  The whole thing fits inside the press.  Line it up and squeeze like crazy.  Then take it all apart.

That makes one badge.

I finished the 100^th badge at 2am Friday morning, the day before the contest. 

And I made a promise to myself that I would never wait until the last minute again.

For the 2010 contest, I started a couple months ahead and completed 150 badges in five hours with the help of a friend.

For the 2011 contest, I’m starting in November.  The sooner those badges are done, the better.

I’ll make enough again to have a total of 150, but we have some left over from last year, so there’s only 113 that I’ll actually have to do.   The junior high camper somewhere inside me thinks it will be lots of fun.

Anatomy of a Contest: Evening Show

The evening portion of the contest day really is the “show” part of it all.  This is when the trophies are awarded.  There’s an MC who keeps things moving and attempts to tell jokes.  The audience is larger, so there’s a lot of energy from a room filled with cheering people anxious to know who’s won.

For each weight and height class the competitors come out on stage.  The figure competitors each do their “walk” and poses, and then line up across the back of the stage.  The bodybuilders do a 60 second posing routine to music of their choice.  These routines can be a lot of fun to watch, especially when the competitor obviously puts some thought into choreographing poses to the music or adds something that expresses personality and makes it unique.

One good/bad thing is that not every bodybuilder gets to do their routine at the bigger shows.   The shows are already several hours long, so simply to keep it from getting too much longer, sometimes only the top five bodybuilders in each class get to do their routine.  I always feel bad for those people who put so much work into getting ready for the show, and for their friends and family who come to see them, for them to only get 30 seconds on stage when the weight class in introduced.  But at the same time, I don’t want the competition to last any longer.  I’m not sure if there’s a better way to keep the time under control but to give people a chance to show off the hard work they’ve done.

At the end of each group (Figure, Women’s Bodybuilding and Men’s Bodybuilding) the winners of each class comes out on stage and the judges vote on the spot to determine the Overall Winner.  These are the best of the best, and it’s exciting to watch.

I have an issue with some of the trophy girls I’ve seen at past competitions.  A bit of a pet peeve.  At most award shows, take the Academy Awards for example, the trophy girl hands over the trophy to the winner and then steps back off to the side and out of camera frame.  At some of the bodybuilding contests, the trophy girl stands smack dab in the middle of the stage holding up the hand of the winner.  This makes me CRAZY!  Hey, Trophy Girl!  The audience is NOT clapping for you.  GET OUT OF THE WAY and let the person who actually won get the recognition and attention he/she deserves!  Argh!

There.  It had to be said.  I feel better now.

The only other real complaint I have about the evening show is that from the audience point of view there’s not much to distinguish the competitions from year to year.  There’s often the same MC in the same auditorium, and many of the same competitors.  It can feel a bit like you’ve seen it all before.

Bodybuilder Hubby thinks the contest he runs is just fine the way it is.  But I keep thinking there may be ways to make it even better.

I’ve been brainstorming ideas to make his contest stand out a little more from year to year.  One idea is to have a theme each year.  There’s an infamous half-marathon in our area every spring.  The run itself sucks – as I can attest from personal experiences – 8 miles up a mountain and 5 miles down the back side.  But it is one of the most fun races I’ve ever done because they have a different theme every year that they really make a big deal out of – signs and people dressed up and all sorts of things.  I’m not sure how that would work with a bodybuilding contest, but I’m thinking about it.

I also told Bodybuilder Hubby that I’d like to be the MC.  He burst out laughing.  I think he thought I was kidding.  I wasn’t.

But I have another idea that I haven’t told him about yet.  It involves me, a video camera, and a handful of competitors willing to let me follow them around during one of their workouts.  I can totally picture in my head how I want it to all come together.  I just need to find the right time to make the suggestion to Bodybuilder Hubby and get him excited about it too before I start any of the actual work to make it happen.

So for now, let’s just keep it a secret.  Just between you and me.

Anatomy of a Contest: Morning and Afternoon

Contest Day: The Morning

Competitors arrive at the contest hours before it actually starts.  They begin with registration.  The figure competitors are measured by height, and the bodybuilding competitors are weighed, so that everyone ends up in their correct height or weight class on stage.  The competitors receive goodie bags, usually full of product samples, T-shirts and a wide variety of coupons and fliers.  Then they head backstage to get ready.

I’ve never been backstage during this part of the process, but I know they get dressed, put on more tanning stuff and lift weights to pump up their muscles.

At this point, I’m out sitting in the audience.  Or, especially in the last few years, sitting at home trying to time it so that I get there just in time to see Bodybuilder Hubby’s class without having to sit through everyone else’s.  It’s really hard to judge how much time it’s going to take; one year I showed up just as everything was coming to an end.  Oops.

The morning part of the contest is when most of the judging happens.  The competitors come on stage with their height or weight class, standing in order based on the numbers they were randomly assigned.    They go through a series of turns and poses (different ones for figure and for bodybuilding).  The judges take notes and make comparisons.  Then they start moving people around so that they can compare different competitors side by side.  Usually it’s a good sign when Bodybuilder Hubby is asked to move to the middle; that makes me think they want to see him better or compare everyone else to him.

The judges look for things like symmetry, muscle size and definition, and stage presence.   In truth, though, even after years of watching these contests, I am terrible at predicting who will win.   Maybe the judges know better what to look for; maybe they can just see better from their vantage point front and center.

Depending on the size of the group, this process can go quickly or drag on and on and on. 

Then the group is dismissed, and the next group comes on to the stage.  The process repeats for each of the groups: figure (each height class), women’s bodybuilding (each weight class), men’s bodybuilding (each weight class) as well as novice (first-timers), teens, and masters (the “old” ones – more on this later).

It can be a really long morning.

I’ll be the first to admit that I sometimes get bored watching the contests. But I’m not an attentive person under the best of circumstances; sitting and paying attention are not my best skills.  One year I brought a book to read, but that didn’t go over well with Bodybuilder Hubby.  He came out on stage, and I was so engrossed in the book that I didn’t notice.  Oops again.

One year, when I was working as a classroom teacher, the contest was held right at the end of the school year, the weekend when I was supposed to be completing my students’ report cards.  So I brought the report cards, my grade book and all other related paraphernalia to the contest with me.  Spread it out in a well-lit spot up front and got to work.  I remember thinking that some of my students’ parents would have been shocked to know that while I was filling out the report card for their sweet little child, I was pausing occasionally to whoop at the mostly-naked guys on stage in front of me.

Watching Bodybuilder Hubby on stage is the best part of the show.  He loves being up there; I swear he never stops smiling.  The guys around him may be dripping sweat and grimacing and grunting.  Bodybuilder Hubby just holds his poses with style and a huge grin on his face.

Contest Day: The Afternoon

The competitors have the afternoon off to rest.  During this time, the judges get together and tally the scores to determine the winners, which are announced at the night show.

Bodybuilder Hubby sometimes comes home and naps.  (He lays out a sheet on the couch to protect it from his tan.)   Sometimes he goes to see a movie with friends.  It’s a good chance for them to relax, to trash-talk each other and to speculate about winners.  Bodybuilder Hubby never makes predictions about how he did.  He says that you never know what the judges see.

A few years ago, Bodybuilder Hubby dropped onto the couch at home post-judging, having finally finished what must have been a dozen phone calls from friends telling him they thought he won.  He sighed, and looked up at me with a big smile and said, “Now do you see why I love it so much?”

Anatomy of a Contest: The Week Prior

I don't mean the anatomy of the competitors.  They pretty much speak for themselves.

But the actual contests are a thing unlike any other I’ve been a part of.  Really, where else can you ogle a group of mostly naked people and have comments like, “Check out those glutes!” be not only appropriate, but expected?

 Generally, the process goes something like this:

The Week Prior:

The week before the contest is a busy one for the competitors.  Many of them change their diets during this week to be as lean as they can be on contest day.  Bodybuilder Hubby used to cut back significantly on his water intake so that his skin would “shrink-wrap” around his muscles so the veins and muscle fibers (“striations”) would be more visible.  Kind of gross, I know.

During that week the competitors have a scheduled appointment for a polygraph (lie detector) test.   For the NGA contests, competitors have to be drug-free (basically no steroids or growth hormones or other banned substances) for seven years to be allowed to compete.   The polygraph test is the first step in determining if each competitor is drug free.  (The Pro competitors and a random selection of amateurs also do a urinalysis on the day of the show.  And yes, unfortunately there have been times when a competitor didn’t make it through this process.)  Every year I’m tempted to show up during Bodybuilder Hubby’s polygraph test to ask some questions of my own: “Do you like my hair better when it’s long?” “Do you think I’m a good mother to our kids?” “Do these pants make my butt look big?” 

A couple days before the contest, Bodybuilder Hubby starts painting himself.  There are several different tanning products on the market; he usually uses a combination of two or three.  My job is to paint his back, since he can’t see it (or reach it) to do it all himself.  For a few years he used this stuff that would brush on with one of those foam paint brushes.  One year I left a long scratch up the length of his back from the metal edge of the paint brush base.  Oops.

Then for a while, he used a spray-on tanning stuff that he basically air brushed over his entire self.  I hated that stuff.  It smelled awful - this horrible alcohol, chemical kind of smell - that would hang in the air for days.  And every surface in that bathroom would end up coated in this orange mist.  As soon as he left in the morning the day of the contest, I would scrub the bathroom within an inch of its life to get the color and smell out.  Ugh.

The stuff that he uses most often now is called Dream Tan, a thick, slick paste that he pats on with his fingertips.  Swipe in the jar, then pat, pat, pat onto the skin.  When he’s all painted up, Bodybuilder Hubby looks a lot like a life-size Academy Awards Oscar statue.

Up close, the tan color on the competitors looks bizarre: dirty and freakishly orange.  But it totally makes a difference on stage.  Once they get under those bright lights, the guys who went light on the tanning stuff (or the one guy I’ve seen who didn’t use any at all) look sickly and puffy.  More Pillsbury Doughboy than Oscar statue.

Beware accidentally brushing against a competitor in the aisle, or forgetting one is covered in sticky goo as you give an innocent congratulatory hug.  Your clothes will never be the same.